Review – Angry Fish

Angry Fish is some kind of joke.

It’s the follow-up to FishCraft, a game that could only have copied Angry Birds any more if it had been called “Angry Fish.” It turns out though that people weren’t buying the game, apparently too stupid to realise that they were being offered Angry Birds, and so the game’s sequel has been released as, er, Angry Fish. That should make the morons understand, eh?

Thankfully, the developer ditched the “Angry Fish RYO” crap that was so shameless that Rovio’s lawyers would have sued everyone in a twelve mile radius into oblivion if they’d found out about it, but this is still inexcusable.

Gameplay-wise, it tries to be Angry Birds and nothing more. It plays exactly the same as that game does, only shit. It has the same birds, sorry, fish. The same colours. The same powers. The same scoring. The same three-star rating system. Angry Fish brings literally nothing new to the genre and it doesn’t even try to, it’s just an attempt to trick people out of money with the allusion that the game has something to do with Angry Birds. It’s a complete con, then. Perhaps worst of all, the game has literally no merits as a game because it doesn’t even work. If it was at least a good game its existence could be forgiven but it’s not, and it doesn’t even manage to meet FishCraft’s low standard, losing a third of its levels for a start.

It also contains all of the same bugs as that game did; levels that tell you that you’ve lost while they’re still in progress that you’d then go on to “win” and have to replay anyway. Levels that you lose that then don’t fail you for over 60 seconds.

Then it adds a whole bunch of new bugs too, which I suppose is as close as the game comes to “new content.” The yellow bird fish is supposed to charge at structures at speed when you press Y, but instead it tends to just warp straight through them as if they weren’t even there and has literally no effect on them. The physics of the game are entirely broken, planks of wood float in the air at random or fling themselves up off the floor at 500mph with no accelerant. The pigs cats just disappear at random sometimes clearing levels without you needing to shoot a bird. FISHGODDAMNIT.

If the game had any positives at all, I’d put them here. Unfortunately, there aren’t any. It’s even full of Comic Sans, for goodness’ sake. Anyone with access to Xbox LIVE Indie Games probably has access to a device that Angry Birds is available on, and it’s coming to Xbox LIVE Arcade in the future anyway so soon they definitely will. There’s just no reason at all to suffer through this vastly inferior rubbish.

Angry Fish is available now for 80 Microsoft Points, which is 81 more than it’s actually worth.

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